


Something Has Got To Give

by Hallucinate



Category: Red Dead Redemption
Genre: Bad Fic, Cuties, Dutch Van der linde - Freeform, Gen, M/M, MIGHT BE NC17 LOL, arthur morgan - Freeform, arthur wants love, aw arthur, he loves you, red dead redemption - Freeform, wants it to be a slow burn but i've never written anything beyond 6 parts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-08-26 22:20:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16690000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hallucinate/pseuds/Hallucinate
Summary: Arthur Morgan, gunslinger of the west, hardened by the cruel world he calls home, is in love with his leader, Dutch Van der linde. It's not typical for a man like Arthur to be so, unorthodox, at least that he knew of. His world begins to crumble down as he handles the frustration of not being with the person you love so dearly.If you're ever curious the word count of each chapter I do certainly keep count so, here you go:First Chapter - 1192 wordsSecond Chapter - 1472 wordsThird Chapter - 3642 wordsFourth Chapter - 1406 wordsFifth chapter - 1669 words





	1. Something Has Got To Give

**Author's Note:**

> I'll probably change the summary and whatever but HEY LOVERS, I've moved this fic over here so I could start some more one shots and smaller series while i write longer chapters here. That's what the drabbles section is all about hey? I don't know.. SHOW It some love though.

**Part One**

 

_told from the writings of arthur's journal_

 

_Shady Bell.._

_More like Shitty Bell. A broken down hellhole that's just hidden away enough to keep the Pinkertons from knocking down our door. I'm starting to be over this, I really am. This family is my everything, but my faith in Dutch's plans are wearing thin, hopefully this can be over soon. Sure he's beautiful and all but god damn you'd think the guy would learn a thing or two in all this running. All the way down from Colter and now so close to Blackwater, again.. We keep ending up in the same position, but with less and less people to show for it. But in the end, there is a roof over our heads, stew in our pot, and money in our pocket._

 

_It's a shame, truly, a real shame to love the man that will be your savior or your very undoing. It's a shame to love a man at all.. You can't grow up around a group of male gunslingers and not expect some..I don't know, variety? Sure, woman are beautiful, they're fucking gorgeous, lovely beings, but not what I prefer I guess._

 

_This whole Grays/Braithwaite mess has got me at the end of me rope with Rhodes, there's nothing here except those damn beauties of horses. I don't really care about that, do you? I care about the fact that were still here, were still wanted, and **we** are not together. Even if Dutch did like men, he doesn't want the raggity outlaw he practically raised right? That has to be some incest shit or something, but it's not. The way he dresses, who he is, what he strives for, he would want much better. Not that any of it matters, no one has time for love interests anymore, even if it's all we have left. _

_That's all I guess, you can head home now folks. But stay tuned for the next installment of Arthur Likes Boys But Can't Talk About It_

_Journal Closing._

Arthur couldn't help but sit on the porch and watch Dutch do his thing all day long. When he wasn't out running errands this is what he loved to do. John walked by, what a pretty boy too. But Arthur couldn't help the small heartbreak to see John disappear for so long. Just thinking about it hurt his heart and sent him into a tiny fit of rage. 

He was brought back when he noticed a sleek Dutch walking over, ever so comfortably and bringing him from his daze.

"Arthur, we need you to come into town with us. Get to know the Grays' town a bit better before we go lay down the law, so to speak." His voice like velvet, you could never not melt in the presence of this man. However, things needed to be professional. For the good of the camp. 

"Of course, let me just get saddled up and we will be right on our way." He replied, casually. 

 

He grabbed his hand guns, which he had specially engraved and had names too, along with his little badge from the sheriff.

 

They trotted out slow, and worked their way up to a decent speed. Dutch's horse, an albino Arabian, was something Arthur yearned for. Oh, how he wanted one, not even really because the man he claims to love has one, but it is a strong, beautiful breed. Arthur's horse was a lovely mustang with a lot of personality, but it was no Arabian. 

 

Shady Bell wasn't far from Rhodes, so things weren't too bad. They road into town on their respective horses and hitched them outside the Grays' saloon. Arthur fallowed Dutch inside, watching him intently. He sat down at the bar, Arthur perched next to him watching him as he spoke. 

 

Dutch waved the bartender, "Get me and my bo-associate a scotch, on the rocks please."

 

  _Jesus, what do you do when you're swooning over the leader of your fucking gang? He's so, elegant, there is nothing to compare it to. Keeping this to myself will not last. Someone will find out, something has got to give._

They looked around the bar, seeing who was there, no one strange. Pretty much all locals, poker people, the blackjacks, women trying to find their mister for the night, if only Arthur could do the same. 

 

\-- couple hours later --

 

The two were a little drunk, still sober enough to know better. Still at the bar, making conversations, observations and the like. When you're tipsy, you get to talkin'. And that's exactly what happened. 

 "When you said 'come with us' I didn't realize it would be just me and you." Said Arthur.

"Is there a problem with me wanting to spent some quality time with my friend."

"Of course not, never has been, never will be."

"Good. And oh, Arthur, I see you around the camp lately, all deep in thought. What is ever so important that it has found its way into my dear boys head?"

"Nothin', really. It's just interesting to see everyone so hard at work, doing their share. Everyone has their job, kind of like ants?"

"Ants?"

"Yeah, ants are always doing their share, gathering shit or whatever." 

"Interesting analogy, very interesting. I didn't know the rootin tootin gunslinger Arthur Morgan could be so..."

" _So, what?_ Dutch?" 

"I don't know."

"Spit it out, old man." Arthur joked. 

 

Dutch pushed a shot down his throat and slammed it on the table. 

 

"Beautiful, Arthur. I didn't know you could be so..Beautiful." He rushed.

 

Arthur's mouth hung open slightly, shocked at the words that had fallen before him. The conversation died, things were awkward. Arthur didn't know what to say. Obviously Dutch didn't either, he was drunk and didn't know what he was saying, though it couldn't stop his stomach from turning the whole night. 

 

They rode back in silence.

 

The two hitched up with the rest of the horses, next to Silver Dollar and Baylock. They walked towards camp, ashamed of what the night had become. 

 

"Soo, you two. How was town?" Sadie approached

"Just fine, I think Arthur and I will be able to handle it for now, certainly not a residence for long. I can smell the crookedness of this town, though I think we could make some money and get the hell out of here." Dutch replied. 

"Sounds good, and you, Arthur?"

"Definitely a fine bar, a decent bank, and some nice folk." Arthur said, as he walked off blankly. 

 

Ms. Adler and Dutch shared a look of concern and confusion as Arthur departed but ultimately decided to leave it alone, at least till a later date. 

 

_Journal Entry_

_Back again from another night drinking with Van der linde himself. A fucking god if I've ever seen one. A little boozed but it wasn't too bad, aside from the fact that he called me beautiful._

_Yeah, that's right. He's wrong though, I'm no where near beautiful, I'm coarse, hardened, I'm Arthur._

_Hopefully he doesn't remember and we can go back to normal, whatever that is. I hope we all can just, forget._

 


	2. Something, It Has Got To Give

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Following their little night in Rhodes. What did Dutch mean by beautiful?

**Part Two**

The sun rose quickly over Arthur's face, pulling him from his dream world. 

_Javier was sat by the fire, playing the guitar. Hosea, John, and everyone else, gathered and singing along. Everyone was happy, everyone was singing, but the girls wanted to dance. They all found their partners, Abigail, Sadie, Molly.. Oh Molly, a pretty woman, but not good enough for him. Never will be._

_Everyone was having a great time, except me. I can't stand this anymore I've got to get out of here.._

_-_

_Things are quieter, by the water, a little more muggy and buggy but that's no bother. Why am I getting worked up so much._

_I was brought from my writing when I hear silk running through my ears, Van der linde._

_"Whatcha doing out here, my boy?"_

_"Just needed to get away a while, that's all.."_

_"Why's that?"_

_"It's just hard sometimes, to see everyone dance and be so happy and together, cause I'm not together, I'm alone. As stupid as that may sound I'm okay with it, mostly."_

_"You know Arthur there's many many women out there that would love to be yours, you see it, I see it.. We all see it."_

_"Yeah, that's nice and all.. But.."_

_"'But' what, Arthur?"_

_"Nothin', Dutch it's really nothing."_

_"Then how can you complain about being alone if there's nothing stopping you from finding her?" He questioned, slightly agitated._

_"It.. It's just I don't fucking like women, Dutch, I don't like them." I stated, with defeat._

 

_He stopped speaking, I didn't know you could be banished from the gang you grew up in. Panic is starting to course through me. Oh brother._

 

_"Come with me. Now."_

 

_Dutch's face was stern, he extended his hand and I got up. Walking towards camp, I'm terrified, he's going to tell everyone and everyone will fucking hate me. This unnaturalness.. It's going to be the death of me, but really if I have to die, it would be a true honour to be at the end of his barrel._

_He's not letting go of my hand, he's for sure angry. If I run, he and everyone at camp will shoot me. Time to start my defensive speech._

 

_We're with everyone now, no one paying any mind to the two men holding hands in the middle of camp. I'm preparing for my castration when he grabs my other hand, and pulls me close._

_Moving to the guitars music alongside Dutch is everything, the way he feels, the way he smells, you can tell he's just bathed. It's the sweetest of my dreams come true. All thoughts of anger are forgotten, I lose my train of thought and just rest on his shoulder as we sway. My mind is lost with his for what seems like eternity, before the music stops and everyone breaks apart._

_We are the only ones left, and everyone is staring at us now. I can feel it. I bring my head up, sure enough, everyone is watching. Some with joyed faces, some with confusion, some just a hint of disgust. But it didn't matter, it was over now._

 

_Our hands dropping from one another's grasp, we looked at each other. No facial expression, just a deep stare coming from Dutch._

_His stare was broken when he moved, and placed his lips on my cheek. Everyone gasps. I can't stop myself from smiling._

 

_"Goodnight, my boy."_

_"Goodnight, Dutch."_

 

_"Goodnight everyone!" Dutch shouted._

_-_

Arthur jerked awake from his dream, quickly realizing it to be a figment of his imagination. Saddened by this, he grabbed his journal immediately and opened his blinds further to let in more light. 

_It was like magic, he was mine and I was his. Is it bad that I would just love to dance with him?_

_God, Arthur. All this 'him' talk is making me sick, get a grip._

_You're right. This isn't good for anyone._

_Fuck._

_-_

Outside, Arthur was met by Karen, 

"Good morning to you, Mr. Morgan, sleep okay?" She asked.

"Just fine, thank you."

 

She walked away, content with Arthur's answer. 

 

He sat down, in his usual spot. Watching, waiting. Waiting for something he was certain would never happen. 

Charles approached. 

"Hey, Arthur, I'm going out to get some deer for camp, wanna come?"

Arthur didn't even need to think, "Yeah. Why the hell not?"

"Right on, grab your stuff and lets go."

* * *

 

Out on the treeline, there were plenty of deer scattered. Certainly enough for the whole family and more. Arthur assumed they'd each take a deer back to camp on horseback. They hitched their horses just out of site among the treeline so no one would know they were there. As the two moved through the foliage they spotted a few deer.

"I'll shoot first, you'll follow?" Said Charles. 

"Sounds about right."

The two knelt out of sight of the deer and took aim. Charles shot and wounded the animal, it didn't think to move. Arthur's shot killed. They walked over to their prey, Charles snapping the neck of his wounded animal. 

"This is always my least favourite part." Arthur stated.

"Mine too, it's even more saddening when the animals are just dead, not even a purpose for their death other than carelessness." 

"Yeah it certainly is- Ah!"

Four men approached from the near distance, revealing a small camp just a little ways within the forest.

The bang clouded the air, sending the forest into silence, along with Arthur collapsed in the dust. 

"Fuck, Charles it's the O'Driscoll Boys." 

"I'll get you out of this Arthur."

Charles dragged Arthur by his underarms, careful not to damage the hole in his abdomen even worse, over to the near by boulder and let him lean against it. Four O'Driscolls, bullets firing one after another to keep Charles and Arthur down. 

"It's time for you boys to be put down, the low mutts that you are." One of them spat, angering Charles even further. 

"Shut the fuck up and put your bullet where your mouth is, motherfuckers."

"It's over boys, let's get them and get that reward! Colm is going to be very pleased with this." Another boy shouted.

"Don't count on it." Arthur returned, as he rolled over on the ground around the boulder. Sending the shot of his revolver through the chest of one of the men before him. 

"God damn it!" Another exclaimed, he ran over to his associate, kneeling beside him. This allowed Arthur a second shot, right through the skull.

"Two down Arthur, even when you're bleeding you've still got the best eye in all of America."

"Let's try and keep it that way, minus the bleeding to death."

"You got it, friend."

 

Charles made a break for it to a nearby tree. His new angle on the remaining O'Driscolls let him take down another man with just two bullets to the chest.

"One more Charles, and he's running for the hills."

"Not anymore." He said smoothly.

A swift shot through the back and the man is down and the fight is through.

 

"Time, to go home Arthur."

There was no response.

"Arthur?"

Charles began to shake him awake, though to no avail.

"God fucking damnit." He lashed. 

 

The whole ride back Arthur was in and out of consciousness, spewing random words in phrases in a rough whisper. 

"Char-Charles." He spoke

"Yes Arthur?"

"I n-need to tell you some..."

"Some what Arthur, speak to me."

"I need to tell you. I need s-someone to kno-know." Said Arthur, every word becoming fainter. 

"Come on, brother."

"It's my, my secret. I love..."

"Who do you love Arthur? The family? Mary? They know Arthur, they know. Just hold on."

"No Charles, I-I l-love him. Charles. I l-love D-dutch."

Charles stopped the horse abruptly as realization dawned upon him. Arthur had drifted back to hell and was no longer responsive. 

"Oh Arthur, what are we going to do with you?"

 

* * *

 

Charles arrived at camp hurriedly, Cody, Arthur's horse following just behind. 

When the others realized their Arthur was not on his horse, they rushed over in concern. 

 

"We need some help over here!" Abigail shouted.

Ms. Susan Grimshaw rushed over as Charles carried Arthur further into camp and set him on a bedroll. 

"Somebody needs to get Dutch down here." Said Charles, calmly.

"Dutch! Get your ass down here now! Arthur has been shot!" Sadie screamed. 

 

Quite soon enough, Dutch was at Arthur's side. 

"What happened Charles? Tell me now." Dutch ordered. 

"It was those damn O'Driscolls, caught us in the middle of hunting, shot Arthur down."

 

"Guys. Guys! His eyes are opening." Javier spoke.

 

_"Arthur"_

_"Arthur wake up!"_

_God what the hell is all the screaming? Can everyone just back up?_

_What's going on. All I see is black, darkness. Blurred vision and dull sounds._

_What the fuck is going on?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CUTIES AAAA k I love them both wtf.


	3. Something, Oh Something, Has Got To Give

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Arthur's losing battle with death, he starts to win a little. With the help of his family he starts to gain his sense of rhythm again when it comes to living in the New West. While his body may heal, his brain had not recovered from the very recent events of confessing his love interest in the leader of their gang to his new found brother, Charles. What is Charles going to do with his recently discovered information?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAA everything is here now I'm excited to fucking start those sexy one shots but I wanna play this story out for you guys, i like the ideas they give me something to write about that i know for sure will please you, unless i execute shittily then im sorrrry

**Part Three**

 

The next time Arthur woke up, it was the middle of the day. He was lying in the middle of camp, his hearing was faint, but returning slowly. He could hear the birds, low chatter of the camp. Arthur began to sit up, but failing as his body was ultimately spent from his recent endeavor. The sun was trying to make it's way through the trees above, the same trees that shrouded us from prying eyes. 

 

"Arthur is awake everyone!" Hosea shouted.

Arthur flinched.

"I'm sorry boy." He continued. 

Everyone ran over to kneel beside Arthur, asking him a million questions he didn't know the answer to.

"Are you okay?"

"What happened?"

"We didn't think you'd live Arthur!"

"Do you need help getting up?" 

The constant chatter gave Arthur even more of a headache than the one he had. 

"Can I have something to drink, some water or something?" He wondered.

"Of course Mr. Morgan, let me get ya that right away." Susan stood up and walked away to retrieve a glass.

 

"How long was I out?" Arthur continued.

"Three days." Charles said, approaching from behind Hosea and Sadie. 

 

"Well, ain't it great to see you?" He said, only a little sarcastically. They looked into each others eyes and it all came back to him. The ride home after the shooting..

 

 

 

> _"Who do you love Arthur? The family? Mary? They know Arthur, they know. Just hold on."_
> 
> _"No Charles, I-I l-love him. Charles. I l-love D-dutch."_

 

"Someone had to save you." Charles returned with a chuckle. "You're lucky that the bullet didn't shatter, made it easy for Ms. Adler to pull it out of you."

"I'm sure that I am."

 

Ms. Grimshaw returned with a cup of water, which Arthur downed with haste. "Thank you very much miss."

Before Susan could reply, Dutch appeared next to Charles. They shared a look before Charles' knowing eyes found Arthur's in an expecting stare.

Dutch crouched around Arthur and lifted his shirt slightly to view the packed wound. 

He spoke softly, "You should be okay soon, boy, promise."

Arthur smiled.

"Alright everyone, our dear Arthur is okay, we can all get back to work now." Dutch informed. 

 

While everyone cleared away, Arthur sat himself upright against a tree stump. He watched all the members of the gang, it was almost a better spot than on the porch. Much more up close and personal, less of a 'from a far' vibe, almost as if Arthur were invisible. This soothed Arthur, to know that for once he could just sit and wait. 

 

* * *

 

**Night Fall**

As night fall veered around the corner, Arthur was less groggy and tired than previously in the day. He wanted to stretch, badly, sleeping on the ground for three and a half days has not done wonders for his back. 

By the end of the night, everyone had said goodnight to Arthur, except Dutch. At this point he had just assumed Dutch had found out what he said to Charles and didn't want to speak anymore.

_But how could that be after that night in Rhodes?_

 

 

 

> _"Beautiful, Arthur. I didn't know you could be so..Beautiful."_

 

Everyone went to bed, Arthur promised he could take care of himself. He sat with a sigh, looking through a spot in the trees, the humbled sky looking down on him. Head rested on the tree stump, things were calm, things were okay. It was almost as it he wasn't in love with his gang leader at all. 

"Arthur." Dutch spoke

_Still the sexiest voice, things have not changed much then I guess.._

"Yes Dutch?"

"What are you still doing up?" He sat down beside Arthur.

"I don't know, thinking, watching, everything you can do while sore on the dirt. What are you still doing up?" Arthur knew the answer to this question, but asked anyway, anything to get him talking was like sex inside his ears. 

"I don't like going to bed until everyone else has, it's just nice to look around at the family when no one is watching I guess. It's peaceful when we're all asleep, the night sky is lighting us up, fire keeping us warm. You'd never think we'd kill in cold blood and steal from the wealthier families."

Arthur's heard the answer to his question before, but certainly not that answer.

"That's a good reason Dutch. I'm glad you like to end the day with something nice, rather than revel in the reality that is our family. A bunch of misfit outlaws, led by a leader that's losing his mind."

"Very funny Arthur.." Dutch sighed, "well, I think it's time for me to go to bed. I'll see you tomorrow Arthur. Goodnight."

 

Dutch stood up, but before he could walk away Arthur grabbed his hand. 

"Dutch, wait."

They both paused, Arthur started to panic.

"Could you, uh, help me up. I need to walk around, stretch my body, sleeping on the hardened dirt has not been one of the sweeter things of this camp."

"Alright Arthur."

 

He helped him up and decided to do a lap around the house with him. Mostly talking, reminiscing, thinking about the heydays, some laughter too. 

 

"It's been an extraordinary life Dutch, not one that I would've specifically chosen, but one I haven't regret."

"You've made my life richer, Arthur, we wouldn't be this gang today if you weren't here."

They both smiled as they made their way to the front of the house. 

"Genuine smiles can be so rare my boy, use them wisely." 

"I will Dutch, but my smile won't be so genuine when I go to sleep on the god damn ground again."

"Why can't you sleep in your own bed Arthur?"

"Sadie said she'd do something unimaginable if I slept somewhere where no one could see me, 'just in case I need something, or I die.'"

"Not a bad idea, were her actual words 'something unimaginable?'"

"Indeed they were, so-"

"Why don't you come with me?" Dutch suggested, nodding his head toward the house. "That way I can see you, in case you need anything, or you die, and your back doesn't give out on you from sleeping in the elements."

"Alright, why not?"

"Good, good."

 

They continued through the house and up the stairs, toward Dutch's bedroom. It was much larger than Arthur's and really every other room in the house. What he had done with his run down master was impeccable, all his things on display. 

"Nice place." 

"Thank you Arthur."

Dutch removed his vest, followed by his trousers. Arthur attempted to do the same, though his sore stomach not allowing much movement for bending. After about ten seconds of struggling, Dutch intervened.

"Oh Arthur, come here." he cooed

Dutch slipped Arthur's suspenders off his shoulders, his pants sliding down his legs to follow. He could feel the warmth of Dutch's hands along his legs a little too much. Things within him began to stir. 

They lied down beside one another, careful not to touch too much. Taking the extra step to make sure things didn't get inappropriate. 

Dutch reached for the lamp beside him and things went dark. 

 

_How did I end up in bed with Mr. Van der linde himself? He's crazy, losing his mind, but I love him anyway. I'd follow him anywhere._

_He's warm, not scalding hot, just warm. Who knew getting shot would be the best thing that could have happened to me?_

 

"Goodnight, dear boy."

"Goodnight, Dutch."

 

* * *

 

 

Morning came with the sun shine flowing into the room. Arthur opened his eyes slowly, not realizing where he is and who he is with. All recollection of last nights events flooded back to him when he glanced around the room, to see Dutch's furs, gramophone, and other items laid out across the room. He even found his arm wrapped around Dutch's waist and his head resting against his hip. 

The sight above him was nothing if not beauty in it's most natural form. Dutch was awake already, sat up reading a book. Arthur took a deep breath of contentment, which is when Dutch noticed his consciousness.

 

"Good morning, Arthur." He smiled

"Good morning, Dutch." Arthur murmured softly.

"Aren't you just the cutest sleeper? Get cold last night?" Dutch teased.

"Not next to you, I didn't." He chuckled.

 

Arthur rolled on to his back, next to Dutch, and stretched out his body.

 

"Well seems like you're not the only one who's awake? Hmm?" 

He looked down to see his cock tenting inside the blanket for Dutch to see. Arthur blushed and laughed nervously.

"Shut it, old man, doubt yours even still works."

"Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't.. Guess you'll just have to find out won't you Arthur?"

"Ha ha, very funny, Dutch" He laughed sarcastically. 

 

Dutch stood up and walked over to his abandoned trousers from the night before. He turned around only to find Arthur's gaze on his midsection, viewing that Dutch's dick, does in fact work.

 

"Oh, well, guess it does work then. How about that, Arthur?"

"Uhuh" He gawked. 

"Come on then, let's get you dressed and get some food."

 

 

The two walked out of the large house together, earning strange looks from some of the campers. 

"Well! There you are! I had been worried you had wandered off. Where did you go last night?"

Arthur started to stammer, Dutch followed up.

"We were talking most of the night, about the plan, what were going to do for our future. He was just fine he fell asleep on the floor the idiot."

The woman and most of the men believed it, apart from Micah, Charles, John, and Hosea.

John gave a weary stare, as if he knew something was up. Charles obviously knew something was going on, Hosea too for some reason, a strange look in his eye. And Micah, he just looked down right disgusted.

 

Arthur began to walk toward the camp fire where the food was usually put out by Pearson, only to have Micah stop him in his path. As they passed each other slowly, Micah got close and began to speak. 

"I know you and the boss are up to somethin', I can feel it, and it's fucking gross, unnatural, so you better quit it."

"What do you mean, Micah? Are you accusing me of something you couldn't possibly know about? Unless, you, are the one that's up to no good?" Arthur fired back

"Just don't be messing with the bosses head, Arthur, we all know you're the prize pony, you and John, but it can't be that way forever."

"Says you to the guy that has Dutch's ear, right?"

"Whatever, Morgan."

"Cool it, Bell"

 

* * *

 

 

**Two Weeks Later**

Journal Entry

_I think I've gotten over this bullet, things are pretty much back to usual. Lot's of woodchopping for me in the last little while. I haven't got to shave in a while, it's a little strange. As well, not a night with Dutch since the last, what an interesting one that was. John looked pretty upset the morning after though, I wonder what was doing through his mind. Maybe he regrets going away, maybe he regrets coming back. It was probably a good idea to go, but, loyalty. Loyalty and faith, what can ya do?_

Journal Closing

 

It was a sunny day, just like most others, though cooler than usual. It was nice, not sweating balls all day. Arthur was just finishing brushing Cody when Hosea approached.

"Arthur young man, Dutch says it's time to go to Saint Denis."

"What for?"

"He says you look rough and that it's time for a shave and a haircut."

Micah, who clearly overheard like the rest of the camp, chuckled and stared Arthur down.

"Why does he get to decide when I shave and don't?"

"Listen Mr. Morgan, I don't know, but Dutch wants to meet us at the barber so it best we get going."

"Whatever you say, Hosea."

 

They rode into Saint Denis together, keeping a fast pace right up until the barber shop. Hosea and Arthur found Dutch around the back. 

 

"Arthur! Hosea! Good, good, you're here."

"Yes Dutch, we are here. Now, why don't we get this young man into the chair?" Hosea said.

"Why do I have to get a shave again?"

"Because Arthur I will not have a member of my gang looking like a burnt boot!" Dutch returned.

"Okay, okay, let's all settle down now."

 

The three walked into the Saint Denis barber shop, where Arthur sat down in the chair before the barber. 

"Excellent, what would you like done for you today sir?"

"Well I thin-" Before Arthur could finish his sentence Dutch interrupted.

"He will have his hair parted on the left, pomaded, and his full beard clean shaven, apart from the moustache." 

The barber looked at Dutch, then at Arthur for confirmation.

Defeated, Arthur spoke "what he said.."

 

The barber got to cutting, making sure with Dutch he was cutting to the right length, and trimming the moustache correctly. Apparently, to Dutch, things were not going quite correctly. So he had to intervene. 

 

"Excuse me, sir. If I may" Dutch laid out his hand and motioned for the comb and scissors. 

Reluctantly, the barber handed it over, after taking a look at the guns packed into each of our holsters. Dutch, went to work, sculpting Arthur's facial hair exactly as he desired it. He quickly tweaked Arthur's haircut as well before handing the scissors along with the comb back to the barber. 

"Thank you very much, kind sir."

"Of course, and now for the pomade and we will be done."

The barber scooped some pomade out of it's small compact and ran it through Arthur's hair. After it was combed and set in place, he stepped back. 

"Magnificent, there you go, sir." The barber finished. 

"Thank you kindly." Arthur replied. "Dutch, pay the man."

"Well well well, look who is giving orders now, dear Arthur." 

 

Dutch handed over a little under five dollars, before the three men exited the barber shop. 

"Satisfied?"

"Of course, you're looking mighty fine right about now Arthur."

"Sure I do, Dutch."

 

"Alright, well, Abigail said she needed my help with some stuff back at camp, I think she's trying to build a portable tree house for Jack." Hosea said, planning to depart.

"That's sweet of her, and of you for helping out." Dutch replied.

"Yeah, I try." 

 

Hosea got on his horse, waved his goodbyes, and moved out with a trot. 

 

"What about you and I, Dutch? Back to camp?"

"Actually, Arthur, I was thinking we'd head over to the saloon, grab a drink at the bar, play a couple rounds of poker. What do you say?"

"Sure, Dutch, let's go."

 

The rest of the men, Dutch, and Arthur, got on their horses and rode out to the saloon.

 

Riding there was a breeze, a comfortable silence, only filled by local chatter and gallops from Cody and The Count. Arthur still incredibly envious of Dutch's horse, missing Boadicea even more these days. Of course, he absolutely loved Cody, they had bonded greatly since the move to Lemoyne but nothing beats a beautifully bred horse. 

 

They arrived shortly, hitching their horses to the posts along the street. Walking in together, they paused at the door, looking around a moment. 

"The bar looks like a good place to start, hey Arthur?"

"Sounds about as good as any."

Dutch flagged down the bartender, where he began to order. 

"We will have a-"

Arthur interrupted, "Actually, I will have single of spiced rum, and he will have a double of whisky. Thank you."

The bar tender nodded and went directly to work. 

"Arthur? You interrupted me." Dutch spoke, accusation laced in his words. 

"Doesn't feel so good, now does it, Dutch?"

"hmph" He grumbled. 

 

The drinks arrived, and the men drank slow, before ordering a bottle of beer each. It was downed quicker than the drinks before. Being the only night since Rhodes that Arthur had been out drinking with Dutch, so he was a little on edge. No need to fret, nothing another beer wouldn't fix, in time. 

"Arthur, Arthur, Arrrthur." Dutch slurred.

"Yes, Dutch?"

"How have you been, baby doll?"

"First of all, I'm not one of the women you are trying to swoon. Second of all, I've been okay, what about you?"

"I've been okay Arthur, real okay."

The bleak conversation became a blur. Shortly after, the two decided to play a few rounds of poker. 

 

-

 

"God fucking damn it!" Dutch spat, agitated. Down to his last couple dollars in a high stakes poker match, the beer beside him not helping. 

"Come on Dutch, this is suppose to be fun." 

"Shut it, Arthur, before you're at the end of my barrel."

"Okay, okay, now. Don't worry about it."

Dutch refocused his attention to the game. 

By the end of the next round there was 382.55 in the pot and Arthur had a pair of Kings. He felt pretty good about his hand, so he went all in with 253.47 dollars. The others, including Dutch, were not scared by this bet. So they too put a majority of their money, or all of it in if they were feeling lucky. The board cards were a 2 of spades, K of hearts, 2 of clubs, an ace of hearts, and a 10 of hearts. 

Arthur, placed down his cards, with a full house.

James, on Arthur's right placed his cards, a pair of 6s and a pair of 2s, betting 127.00.

Rob, who had bet all in, ended up with three of a kind, betting 352.64.

Anna, ended up with a solemn pair of 2s, betting 92.00.

And finally, Dutch, who came up with a Royal Flush, placing a bet of 281.37.

 

Arthur gasped, "My god, Dutch."

"That is not possible. Fuck!" Rob exclaimed as he stood up and knocked the chair over from beneath him. 

"Oh my dear god, Arthur, it looks like drinks are on me tonight." Dutch sighed in contentment. "Well, fellers, thank you very much for such a great game, but it seems me and my friend here have got to head to the bar. And if even a single one of you tries to touch my cash, it'll be the last thing you touch before your skull hits the side of the curb." Dutch said, with a smile. 

Everyone backed off immediately, and the two moved to the bar to cash in the chips. They ended up with nearly 1,500 dollars cash. The boys were ecstatic. 

 

"A bottle of red for me and my friend. And a bottle of fine brandy for the fine men whose pockets I've just emptied!" The joy in Dutch's voice was contagious. Everyone in the bar was lit up. They sipped the celebratory wine as a starter, though soon enough, bottles of beer, became shots of vodka.

 

Too quickly, the boys were quite drunk, truth telling drunk. 

"Dutch."

"Arthur."

"Dutch."

"Yes. Arthur."

"You're ppppppuuuuurrreettty." He slurred. 

"Why thank you boy. You're quite beautiful yourself, especially after that uhhhhh ya know, that haircut of yours."

"Oh yeahhh! About that, why did Hosea have to come, and why did you make me shave the way you liked it."

"Beeeecauuuuuuse if I'm going to be looking at you all the time I want you to look somewhat presentable Arthur."

"And Hosea?"

"Hosea, well, Hosea has been aware of my.. Status, and such for as long as I can remember. Hell, he's been a part of some of them."

"What ever do you mean Dutch?"

"Nothing Arthur, nothin' at all."

"Alright then Dutch."

 

They each downed a couple shots more before beginning a new conversation.

 

"So, Arthur, how is that deaaaaaar horse of yours?" Dutch started.

"Mah boy Cody? He's juuuust fine, though I've been longing for a white Arabian since Boadicea."

"Is that so? They are beautiful horses, The Count is my true best friend."

"I could tell. They're quite expensive, and if you try to go and break your own, good luck." Arthur chuckled. 

"Yes, they are tricky animals, but loyal as hell."

"Ah yes, loyalty. Loyalty and faith, what are you gonna do?"

"What ever do you mean, boy?"

"Just, the loyalty we've all kept over the years. It's just been crazy and I'm surprised I'm even still alive."

"Well, Arthur if you had died, my world would be ever so bleak."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah." He reaffirmed

"You're cute, ya know that?"

Dutch didn't quite catch that last part due to some yelling in the saloon. 

"What was that?"

"Oh nothin' Dutch."

"Really? It sounds like ya said something, tell me, Arthur." He demanded, only half serious. 

"Really! it was nothing, serious." 

Dutch had reached a new level of drunkenness, anger filled him and he lost it.

"It sounded like you called me cute, Arthur, it sounded like you told me what everyone sees already, Hosea sees it, Micah sure as fuck sees it, Charles sees it, hell even fucking John sees it! You are in love with me Arthur. Stop lying about it. You think I don't notice your gaze, Arthur, you think no one has seen the way you follow me like a lost fucking puppy. You're pathetic Arthur, fucking pathetic." He finished, agitated.

Arthur was speechless. He had almost no words at all, though he muttered something out anyway.

"Just, just keep my name out of your mouth, Dutch. Just do that one thing for me."

Last call had come around, the so the boys exited the bar. They rode back to Shady Bell in silence.

Everyone was asleep when they arrived, they walked into the house, up the stairs and parted ways. No words spoken since the saloon. It was going to be a long night for Arthur.


	4. Surely, It's Given

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dutch has blown a fuse after a drunken night in Saint Denis. Arthur has been pained with the burden of the harsh public rejection of the man he loves. No other conclusion had come to Arthur's mind, his time had come. It was time to leave, he got his things, and went. 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vt1Pwfnh5pc Hurt - Johnny Cash
> 
> Read this chapter slow for the full effect.  
> Song Chapter: Hurt by Johnny Cash, hope you get the idea, and wont be the only fic with that song. For the full effect please just listen to it in the background a few times  
> You really do need a vibe for this chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When ever I'm writing a chapter summary I feel like Julie Chen from Big Brother. I kinda took the day off today so even though I'm putting out a shorter chapter. I don't know what I'm really doing for these chapters. 
> 
> There's some important stuff in these notes YALL BETTER READ EM 
> 
> Okay theres a part of the chapter where arthur is on the shore and his shadow is visible this is what i mean okay? I didn't know if i could paint the picture quite right.  
> https://unsplash.com/photos/sZtmk410A1I  
> https://www.pexels.com/photo/sunset-man-summer-lake-57687/  
> https://unsplash.com/photos/6_SO2aFVWwA

**[Hurt - Johnny Cash](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vt1Pwfnh5pc) **

**Part Four**

_Journal Entry_

_Tonight with Dutch was all but sweet towards the end. We were having such a great time, if only he hadn't gotten so drunk.. So, he knows, he knows and he's angry about it. I blew it. Fuck. This has all been so, so ridiculous. Who was I to think things could have been different. This whole time Dutch hadn't been flirting. He was just being Dutch. Fucking Micah was right, the blowhard, it's unnatural and completely stupid of me to think he could be anything like me. BUT what does he mean then?! _

 

> _"Hosea, well, Hosea has been aware of my.. Status, and such for as long as I can remember. Hell, he's been a part of some of them."_

_What ever does that mean, Van der linde? You sweet sweet sin why are you a confusing, glorious, hellion. God, if only I could be inside that mans head._

_This isn't what I wanted, this hurts, it hurts more than a bullet, more than the longing of not having him, it just hurts. For a man who can take the pain, I sure of fuck can't take this. This ends now, tonight._

_Journal Closing_

 

Arthur finished his piece, his final entry. He didn't want to leave any lose ends though, so he thought he'd write some, direction, if you could even call it that. Ripping a page out of his journal, he set the book aside and got to writing. 

 

_Family_

_If I end up dead, if someone finds this, I leave all of my worldly possessions to John, Javier, and Charles, a fuck you to Micah, for being the huge fucken piece of work I always knew you were, but good luck, be well. Abigail, keep that boy safe, and keep John in line, I know he loves you. Hosea, thank you, for the spectacular adventure, I have only recently come to regret. If you find me, dead somewhere, well you know what to do. And Dutch, I'm sorry it worked out this way, I'm sorry I wasn't man enough to stay._

_This hurt has gone on for some time and I now face the defeat that will vanquish me and every trace of my personality. I'll see you all eventually, maybe, if that's the way it works. Keep fighting._

_Be well, my friends, be oh so well._

_Arthur_

 

He set his journal and his final letter on his map, soon after, he was out of the house in a hurry. Cody was out with the rest of the horses, where Arthur hopped on him. "Let's go, boy" he whispered. 

The gallops out of camp were slow and quiet, though as soon as he hit the open road, he was free. The wind made him feel alive for the first time in a while, the only light to the landscape was the moon and all its stars. It's a captivating act, the only heart beating for miles is your own, the only sound is the wind and the beat of your horse galloping, what more could you ask for on a perfect night?

_Van der linde._

Arthur didn't know where, he was riding, just wherever the spirit moved him he guessed. Open land turned to trees quickly, he assumed he was somewhere in the forest of Ambarino or New Hanover. He didn't bring much, but he brought his revolver. 

_How..Symbolic, you find so many people at the end of your barrel, and the last one becomes yourself. Symbolic, or, ironic? Not too long ago I was thinking about the idea of being at the end of Dutch's barrel, taking his bullet, how romantic._

Eventually, somewhere within the trees, there was a small clearing. Cody didn't want to run anymore and Arthur found himself by a large body of water. It was nice, nice enough for Arthur to spend his last few moments. 

He jumped off his horse and patted him repeatedly.

"You're a good boy, you know that? I'm sorry I've got to leave you, maybe you could uhm, find your way home, or maybe someone else will find you and you'll have a new life. I hope you know I love you."

The only response he got was loud breaths and shakes of Cody's mane.

"Okay boy, it's time." Tears began to stream down his face, the life of a hardened criminal had finally got to him, that the  ~~person~~  people he felt safest with no longer wanted him. He felt, tired, used up, over.

He walked out to the edge of the water, just enough to get the ends of his boots wet. There was no point in keeping his thoughts inside any longer, he began to think out loud.

_"There's nothing wrong with a little angst, right, I'm a damned fag anyway, might as well pretend I'm a poet."_

Arthur reached into his satchel and pulled out a single throwing knife, he would only need one. He brought his left hand up toward his chest and moved the edge of the blade to his skin. His hand moved slow, as each character was carved, trails of vapor left his mouth in the cool air after each sharp inhale of pain. Arthur's hand was moving at almost a sedative rate, slow, calm, and deep. Every letter, scraping a new pain into his heart and erasing the ones Dutch had placed like daggers. Each drop of blood, quicker than the last, it satisfied Arthur, showing him the path to freedom was as simple as that.  

_"This world, it will be a better place. A world without me, one less gunmen in search of the old west. One less fag to walk the earth.."_

_D_

_U_

_T_

_C_

_H_

He stood, facing the water at the end it's lunar sky. A silhouette forming behind him, red, liquid love fell from each letter like the water from a waterfall. He barely noticed though, there was only on thing to nice, Dutch. In the end it would have always been him, it would have been what kept Arthur living, but also working in reverse, being what kills him.

Arthur sat down, only to reflect on his life before the final act of his performance was through. The blood pooled on the dirt floor before it found its way inside the earths surface. 

He sighed, words breathy and broken,  _"I was right, unfortunately, that rightness means that Dutch Van der linde is in fact my undoing. I'm sorry Dutch, I can't help but love you, it's hard not to see you this way. You've given me a life I'll never forget. I remember the photo of me, you, and Hosea. My best friends, my only family, my only love. And John, boy, I almost loved John too, I'm pretty sure he loved me, though. Maybe I should have settled? That wouldn't have done any good for Abigail, she deserved her husband. And I, I deserved this._

_There is no greater pain, than losing your own child, but this comes much too close. You don't come back from something like that. I just, can't fight this anymore. No more games, no more running, no more killing. No. More. We were fighting for a dream, an idea, and valiant fight that turned too sour too soon. This world isn't built for us anymore, no way to function, no way to be._

_I've succumb to this defeat, the finale, I'm glad you all could make it. Hope you enjoyed the show._

_I'm coming home, Ma, I know now where I belong, and it's not here. Forgive me."_

 

Blood loss started to get the best of him, becoming tired, weak, light headed. He stood back up for his final hurrah.

 

Arthur filled the barrels and stood up straight. If he couldn't do anything else like a man, he would do this single thing right. His shaky hand brought the revolver up to his head, above his ear. He couldn't keep his hand still so he pressed the end of the gun to his skull. Crickets, frogs, howls, being the music to his ending. He swallowed hard before taking three deep breaths. 

 

_"One"_

 

_exhale_

 

He took his final glance at the world around him, nodded a goodbye to his stallion. 

 

_"Two"_

_exhale_

 

He pulled the hammer back, into it's last position before it rests forever.

 

_"Three."_

***BANG*** smoke quickly filled the surrounding air.

 

"ARTHUR!" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope u liked the chapter.  
> IF YOU HAVENT LOOKED AT THE PHOTOS IN THE FIRST NOTES LOOK AT THEM AAA  
> shit if u couldnt notice i rly enjoy these notes i like talking to u guys, if u read these i love u hope u felt this chapter as much as me, i poured some of my heart and soul into it. 
> 
> Okay also but what if i add a 'question of the fic' CUZ i gots a question..  
>  **Did anybody actually look at the pictures and listen to the song? AND did you like this chapter?** yuh girl is working her damned hardest here.


	5. It Has To Have Given

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His night on his own plans to be his last, though is stopped by a woman he's come to call a friend. She keeps his heart beating while Dutch had nearly stopped it, though it won't be doing much good when he collides with the gang.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6b33PTbGxk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like this shit it's taking up 180000 years of my life. Sometimes I forget that other people have lives and that my fic isnt their whole life but I remember when I used to be a fic reader i would get worried and sad when my writer wouldn't upload so im trying to be good for the few of you that are here uwu
> 
> LOWKEy it gives me hell when I can't talk to you guys like the notes are where i rant about everything and when im not posting i have no notes and no way to talk lmfao end meeeee
> 
> post chapter beginning notes: sometimes i feel like I'm losing touch with arthur and the characters when I don't play the game for a while.. ALSO i haven't exactly finished the game cause we all know what happens at the end there cuz a girl does her research so we kinda just AVOIDING that at all costs cuz micah a hoe and TB can eat a dick! whoops i wrote my end notes first but its k.. AAA THE DRABBLES IM EXCITED! FLUFF, SEXY SHIT, AU's!!!!
> 
> K LITERALLy gonna use all these songs for one shots like shiiiiiit < sisters writing when not writing a story is literally garbagewwwwwwhooooops I tend to overuse words whereas i dont in books but wtffff kkk irrelevant bye

**[Criminal - Britney Spears](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6b33PTbGxk) **

**Part Five**

 

> "ARTHUR!"

A scream, heard from behind Arthur in an octave on a female could produce. 

His hand flew upward just in time, sending a revolver bullet on it's way to the heavens and not through his thick skull. He whipped around to find Charlotte Balfour, stood in shock at the sight before her eyes. 

 

"Arthur! what are hell are you doing?!" He stared back at her blankly, desolation and despair in his eyes.

"I-I, I love him.."

" _Him?_ Who do you mean, Arthur?

"Dutch, I love Dutch." Their eyes locked, Charlotte filled with understanding and gave a sympathetic look.

"Oh, dear Arthur, come on now, I'm not far from here."

 

Arthur followed with shame, clicking his horse to follow behind. They walked up Charlotte's hill in mere silence, the most comfortable form of it. Arthur's stare was empty and unwavering, caught in his thought and embarrassment. 

He sighed, he didn't get the ending he was hoping for, nor the one he was planning tonight, but the one ending with him under the care of the stranger he found near the boarder. 

When they arrived Arthur sat at the table, watching a kerosene lamp burn in the middle. Charlotte put some water on to head up for some tea. 

"What were you doing out there Arthur?" Charlotte sat down

Another sigh, "I don't know, I just couldn't ever face him after that. There was no way."

"I didn't even know you were.. like that, Arthur, how come you never told me?"

"... It's not something you typically admit." He said softly. 

 

She got up and poured them both something to drink, when she returned and set Arthur's cup in front of him, she noticed little tears coming down his face from time to time. 

 

"It's going to be okay, Arthur. I promise."

"I'm not so sure of that, but thank you."

"What, uhm, did, or do you love about Dutch? Why him and uh.. not me?" 

"Charlotte, you are a fine woman, beautiful, I would never be worth the likes of you. But Dutch, Dutch is a killer, he's a bad man. He is everything to me and for some reason I hold him on a pedestal, but he's a wanted man, like me. And that's what makes me worth him."

"I'm not all you think me to be Arthur, I've got secrets too." softly, she defended.

"We all do, it's just, he is who I'm drawn to. His sound, his body, his mind, he's the best guy I know."

"Oh dear, well, I guess you can't choose your attractions.."

"I'm afraid not Ms. Balfour.. I can't help myself, I love him, he knows me better than I know myself, he leads and I follow, he says jump I jump.. That's just the way it's always been."

"But what do you find attractive about him? I mean I've never seen him but he's got to be a real looker if a man is going to fall for him."

"Well, uh I got to think about that one.. His hair is black, like raven black, but in the sun you can almost see a hint of brunette, his eyes are so lovely, almost a hazel colour, he looks so lovely in black, the vest he wears is really the sexiest thing I've ever seen," he laughed, "His voice is just fucking.. I can't even describe it, it's full and commanding, I could listen to him talk alllll day long. He's just hot, Char, just hot, what I wouldn't give to put some bruises along his ivory neck."

"Wow! I have  _never_ heard anybody talk about somebody like that! Let alone a gay." she giggled, "if only I could see a picture of this man."

"I could probably sketch one up from memory" he said with excitement. 

 

Charlotte got up and walked away to get some paper and a pencil. She returned with a smile, placed them in front of Arthur and went back to her seat,

 

He closed his eyes, picturing the man he was about to manifest through pencil strokes. When he opened the utensil was pressed to the page and Arthur began to sketch. Rough lines of the surrounding area, though more attention to detail closer to where the man stood. Arthur outlined the figure of his face, his jacket, gun belt, pants, and more, filling in the blanks with shading and texture. 

When he finished he sat back, pushing the paper across the table for Ms. Balfour to see. She lifted it up in front of to reveal a detailed sketch of Dutch Van der linde, stood at the edge of his tent, watching over everybody. 

"Wow, Arthur, you can draw.. And he really is beautiful, not my kind of man, but still, beautiful." 

"Thank you, Charlotte, that's only one of many memories." he chuckled.

 

A lull filled the room, sending Arthur back to the darkness of his reality. She figured it was time to work this out.

 

"You seem to be really fond of him Arthur, why were you out there tonight, why were you going to do that to yourself?"

"He, he doesn't love me back, not the way I want him to. He said I was pathetic, which, is true." 

"No, no Arthur it isn't true. If this is what he says to you you shouldn't want to be with him, you deserve better than that."

"I'm not quite certain about that, and if I could chose to not love him, I would have a long time ago. He had me thinking that maybe he could want me to, he called me beautiful, ya know that? We even spent the night together, I was shot about a month ago and he was so good to me, but I suppose that's just Dutch taking care of the work horse."

"Well that doesn't sound fair to you, if he was aware of it and was still continuing things like that with you. He might be attractive Arthur but I'm starting to believe he's not so good for you."

"You're probably right, but it's hard to quite the habit you been hittin' for years.. And he really is just so damn hot."

"I know it's hard, but you can't let him do this to you! If I wasn't there, you wouldn't be here Arthur! and if it wasn't for him, you wouldn't even be in that position. He is not good for you." She exclaimed.

"God damn it Charlotte! Don't you think I know that? Don't you think if I could love you and be in bed with you and not him I wouldn't choose it? But I won't do to you what he did to me, I'm not going to take someone to bed that I don't think should be in my life like that. I'm sorry, I know I wouldn't be alive right now and I'm mostly grateful for that, but I piece of me still doesn't want to be here. A person whom I've dedicated my whole adult life to doesn't want me, even if I wasn't in love with him that would still fucking hurt. I know he's not good for me, I know he's a poisonous man with a criminal agenda, if I could live the rest of my life up here with you and be content I would. But my heart aches for him, it beats for him, I shoot my gun for him, it's always been for him. I can't let that go. I won't!" Arthur broke down, sniffles and tears reappearing once again. 

Charlotte moved to him quickly, bringing him into an embrace which he accepted without hesitation. "Okay, okay Arthur, I get it. It's going to be okay. I promise you this. You don't have to defend yourself or him to me.. You can tell me everything, I just wanted to you to see it from another point of view."

He sniffled, and smiled weakly, "I know, Char, I know.."

"Please, just keep in mind that he's hurting you to the point where you don't want to live anymore."

"I will, it's just cause he's been my reason for living for a long time, without him it's almost pointless."

"Sounds like you need to find some new reasons."

"I think you might be right about that one."

"Of course I am. Don't worry, we'll find you some."

 

The sun started to peek it's way over the horizon, alerting the two that morning would be coming quite soon.

"Oh jeez, it's almost morning, you better get some rest, Mr. Morgan, at least for a little while."

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea, thank you, for everything."

"Anytime, Arthur, anytime at all." she smiled "I'll see you later, in the morning, and we will go find you some new reasons."

 

They got up from their seats and parted ways, Charlotte in one room, Arthur in the other.

He removed his gun belt, vest, boots, etc, before slipping into bed. Staring outside at the dewy morning coming in, he began to reflect.

 

_She's right, right? Dutch is bad, bad for me, bad for everyone.. But so so lovely, could make an alligator swoon. How could he hurt me so bad, why would he do that? But was it even his fault, isn't it mine for falling in love and letting it hurt me? But he was the one that got drunk and said all those things... Who would've thought Love would be so complicated. It's not complicated, I'm a man, he's a man, it just wouldn't work.. But I mean, a dance and a rose wouldn't hurt.. Why am I so head over heels for this man? I'm just so fucking done, so much thinking so much arguing between common sense and the way I feel, it's giving me a headache._

 

Arthur rolled onto his back and shed his body for a while, lost his mind in the world of unconsciousness. Things seem to almost be looking up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i always write both my notes before i start the actual chapter that's probably bad but whatever, i dont know what else I'm gonna say here so ummh dutch??? what a cutie. Even if he's not in this chapter which he probably wont be cuz SLOW BURN or whatevaaaaa like lets just get to the fucking already but no we gotta drag it out bahahah  
> k but i get u i always lloooooovvveedd 18 year fics like if it takes up my whole 6 hours of sleep then it's a goodie!
> 
> ALSO should Arthur be reluctant and unwilling to go back to camp or ready to jump back into Dutch's life??
> 
> Mid way through chapter: K i had to stop to edit that pic to be a sketchesque thing and just saying dutch lookin fine as hell right there mmmmmhm. i hope no one is minding his long talk of a chapter, just a break from action, where arthur gets to explain exactly how he feels to someone who ISNT in love with him not just you and me via the journal.. Also?? Criminal by brittney spears?? uhhh yes that's going in the fic gonna put a liiiiink.
> 
> POST CHAPTER END: kind of short?? not very eventful?? poorly written and unedited?? that's me! I was thinking about doing a short chapter about what Dutch and the gang find at camp the next day but it might lose the effect of only seeing from arthurs pov ya know ya know? but maybe ig ig.. ANYWAy bye see u soon on the drabbles fic cuz sister wants some drabbles out asap


End file.
